Oh, Crow, I am glad you are back

This painting available through Sundance

I have always loved crows. In my younger years I always saw them as messengers bringing me specific good messages. I still see them as messengers, but in a more realistic way-it is not always about me or bringing me something that I want to hear.

Of late, we have had two to three crows, going from about a 1/2 mile radius in and out of The Wood, and at first I thought they had were using a nest in a tree by the new barn. I learned that crows use sticks, squirrels tend to use anything. Well, these crows have been screaming for days, I assumed it was a pair, then I wondered if a fledgling had fallen from the nest.

But now they have flown off, but reappear sporadically, such as last night, only to leave and fly off to The Wood, and I can hear them screaming. It is not a normal crow 'caw', they are screaming, like that viral goat that was going around. When I first hear it I went outside thinking maybe somebody was in distress, or had corned a baby in the barnyard or something.

I think they didn't like the presence of The White Dogs, who rush under and follow them when any large bird flies above. This started after an eagle took a duck back in Oregon. I noticed one of the crows came sweeping down into a paddock and left. Maybe they were testing the waters to see how safe The White Dogs are? I don't know.

I've been researching crows since, and oh my I love them more and more and think they need to come back into my art and life again...maybe that was their message. They mate for life, and the young help raise the next year fledglings. I also read the screaming I'm hearing could also be the parents telling the youngster to fly, and the parents could also be screaming at predators and is trying to teach the young who the predators are.

Sitting in a bucket thinking about freedom

That's about what we'll be doing in this heat. I'll be making mud pools for the pigs, hosing down Boone, and hosing off the llama's legs. I had aspired to write about freedom and what it means, but...my head is mush from heat and it's only 9am. I am a heat wimp as many of you know.

The heat will lift in a couple of days. And my brain will return in all it's...glory.

I am pleased so many on the media and radio are taking time to disect the actual meaning of the 4th. We are still a country with American values, although we are shaken by the underbelly of America that also been ignited to wake up and tromp on those values. And we are still capable of living up to those values, and voting for people that will protect our freedoms, not lie to us, or keep information from us. We are being tested as this democracy has been tested over and over, and it will always be tested. We are lucky to still be in a situation where we are being tested as a people, versus living in a country where there is no free press and there is oppression of any kind of free thinking.

A llama love...I guess we all needed that

Llama love in action[photo courtesy L. Wooten]

I get a lot of requests from people, often strangers, or people I haven't met, to come and see the animals. Sometimes I can accommodate them and sometimes I can't. It's always a fine line between hurting some one's feelings and creating privacy or time for myself when I need it.

I follow my heart and gut when I respond to these requests. Or I ask Earnest what he thinks.

"Perhaps they will rub my belly," he says.

When I had a polite request from Laura Wooten, a painter and artist from Virginia, if she could stop in for a brief visit, with her son, husband and elder dad-they would be driving through after a wedding in Bar Harbor, I immediately said 'sure'. For starters, I often find connections I make with fellow artists are supportive, and second, Laura has been a kind and generous follower and supporter of both my book projects, and my animal efforts. And, well, she is The Bench Fairy, who gifted us a bench this year for our 'trying to make it happen' garden-animal area for elders to come visit.

It was going to be hot, and humid. I forgot these folks are from Virginia, so the wimpy humidity we had this weekend was nothing like they are used to. It is easy to work as a freelancer, or independent goat-donkey-cat-chicken nurse caretaker and have days where you feel isolated or unheard...invisible. Not that I want to be on the street or news or top ten blog list of notoriety, not that I ever have an urge anymore to 'do lunch' or coffee...it takes a real desire to leave my haven, and walls, but when someone shows up and they are just really excited to meet you, and see the many animals they have read about for so long-it makes me feel good about what I'm doing.

When someone notices all this work we do, and gets an emotional connection to it, and genuinely shows that, it feels good. It's validating.

Her family could not have been sweeter. We took lots of photos together, and I've shared some of hers here too. First we went through the orchard Misfit Goat area, where they met-immediately-Ollie. How can you not meet Ollie immediately, as he is the immediate greeter. Off in the paddock, they saw a dog, and said, "We want to meet White Dog."

Of course, everyone wants to meet White Dog. He did not disappoint, and if he wasn't 95# and so loving I would have had him out with us-he likes to jump and 'hug' people around the neck, something that is endearing, but also a bit too much for safety reasons-he's getting better though. Marcella was in her private suite with Earnest, and she is a bit more problematic with guests, unless I take time to bring them in, do introductions and watch her closely in the introductions. She's only doing her job.

Then it was out to meet the grumpy, sleeping pig. Due to the heat, the pig was uncharacteristically somber, while sleeping. I rubbed her belly and got a few snorts, but we didn't want to disturb the royal highness's state of mind. They got to meet one of the many rats too. We went to the back paddocks to see the donkeys. But the first one at the gate was...Lady Birdie. She immediately sniffed them all out, face to face, and agreed they were not black bears, wolves, coyotes or...mean people. Birdie is once again showing us she seems to be the current heart throb, but also, she seems to be the current resident who really thrives in these greet ups. She not only gave light pecks on the cheeks, she gave full kisses this time.

I was also pleased that Matilda wondered out on the hot day. She wasn't getting the attention of Birdie, but she seemed very present to me, and I told everyone her story. Soon after, she lay down and did a good roll in the dust, which is always a hit. Pino was greeted too of course, as were the other donks, and Boone, and scampering, or limping, goats. Back at the front barn, We met the pigs, and the elder cats.

The one thing I regret, is that I didn't get to spend more time with Bob, Laura's father. He was so sweet. I'm a sucker for old men, what can I say. It was hot, and Bob decided to sit in the shade with Martyn, where he could look out at the animals and fields, and garden. I had told Bob that my father's name was Bob, and that we now were trying to help bluebirds and I call the blue birds, "Bob". And while he sat there with Martyn chatting about fishing and other things, he got to see Bob the bluebird fly into the birdhouse. Martyn told me later Bob really liked that because he hadn't seen a blue bird for many, many years.

Laura and I both kicked ourselves for not getting photos of her dad with some animals, but neither of us wanted to force anything, and it was so hot. So she sent me this photo taken at the wedding they attended [in which Bob had surprised his sister who was helping put on the wedding, and she had no idea he was coming and so wanted for him to come up from Virginia, and they pulled it off!]. I think you can see what a good soul he is, as is Laura and her family.

So, sometimes, many times really, it is good to say 'yes'. I think that in the 16+ years I've been doing this, with a public presence on the blog and elsewhere, I've had a couple visits that were not good ones, or felt forced or out of character, where I did not follow my gut to say 'no'. But I'm also learning that even in high humidity, saying 'yes' can really fill a lot of hearts, including mine.

Bob and his daughter, Laura

Real men love llamas

When goats and art merge...and then there is the calm

"Old Goat Revival Show" available as a print on shop

I've been going through years of art and choosing images to add to the archive print section at the shop. One thing I learned long ago as an artist-just because I have moved on from a painting after I finish it, doesn't mean that a new viewer will show up years later and see it as a brand new piece. In other words, I forget sometimes that my past work is as valuable as my new work, as far as making a living.

And it is fun to revisit these pieces for me. Sometimes there is a sense of melancholy too, remembering a time in my life when I painted something. And sometimes, I have to really search my memory for what was in my head and heart when I did a piece. But none of that matters to the new viewer of the art, they get to resonate with it all on their own with their own set of experiences.

I also had a very good couple of weeks in the studio, finishing off about 5 abstract canvases for Sundance [see below, I think these will be available in late summer]. I always amaze myself when I can still paint! I know many other artists go through that. These came out of me quickly, which in my mind means I really needed to do them. I need to be in the studio more, and that intention will become a reality now that it is hot outside, and fly season is about to reemerge.

One thing I am feeling though–I think I am just starting to really settle into our new life here in Maine. I was remembering that when I moved to the old farm In Oregon, in 2004, it really took a few years to get my legs back, and I didn't even have the blog until '07 I think. There was actually a time in my life when I didn't have Pino, or goats, or characters running in my heart and head, and onto the paper or canvas. And I have been putting a lot of energy into getting the initial year of the non profit up to speed-which of course will always be a chunk of energy and time. But I think I need to tweek things, and make sure I don't neglect to incorporate and merge my art into the non profit too. I already do, but I have been specifically keeping them separate. And the way Apifera was born was due to me merging art, books and animals. So I will be thinking about that and being less shy about showing art on my Facebook non profit page. It's tricky, because when someone buys a painting, it is not a tax deduction, it is how I support 50% of our living here. So I want to make sure nobody confuses that.

Maybe I over think things.

Anyway, the piece above is one of my favorites. I never sold the original. It was inspired by many of the crippled or elderly Misfits that were or still are in my life. I imagined how wonderful it would be if when I went to bed at night, they all got together in the barnyard and had an Old Goat Revival Show, and their physical limitations went away just for a fun night.

The pieces below are the abstracts I did in the past two weeks. They make me feel calm. I have had a very stressful week. It was a mixture of things-the state of our country, politics, the hate and shouting...I felt really hopeless, more hopeless than I have in a long time, so I turned off the radio completely and listened to Schuman and my favorite classical music a lot in the studio and just allowed myself to work with color and shapes. These are what came out. I feel my soul was reminding me that inside there, there is light and color, and it is my best self in there, it is the self I should project to the outside world. And it is easy to fall down a rabbit hole in these times, in any times, because there will always be dark and light forces in the world. Always. The underbelly of America never went away and we are all facing it head on, we must.

But these paintings were gifts of respite from it. I hope maybe they soothe someone else.

"First Fireflies on Path to Ocean"

"Ocean Cove"

"Fog and Road Find Old Orchard"

"Early Spring"

"Full Moon Over Garden"

The garden awaits those in need, sometimes I see her on that bench

Being able to have a garden is an immense help in my life, a place to be amongst color, texture, seed, dirt, butterflies and hummers. It's a place we painted together, me and Martyn, a creation we enjoy looking at, talking about, and envisioning what to move around like a working collage.

Lately, I have been missing my parents immensely. I think I know some of the things that triggered this, I don't want to share those things publicly, but it took me awhile to figure out why I would have this feeling of loneliness for them, come so hard at this time. I often think of them when I'm in the garden, they would have loved it here. Two old teak garden benches came from their Minneapolis home, and when they moved at some point, they gave the two benches to me and Martyn. My parents jokingly told me that we had to name one of the benches, "Bob" and the other one, "Kelly". When they come over and visit, we always laughed about that, because we never knew if we were sitting on Bob or Kelly since the benches were similar.

Sometimes when I sit and have coffee by myself now midday, in the garden, I look towards the other empty bench-but I can see my mother sitting on it, in one of her hats. I had so many talks with my mom on those benches, in her garden. A lot of those talks I would cry or share some issue I was having at the time. And often, we just sat enjoying the birds and flowers, or laughing about something. When I lived in Minneapolis, I was single and freelancing as an illustrator, my life was forming itself as I entered my late thirties into forty. I would usually have coffee mid morning with my mom. I remember one person telling me that I needed to quit doing that so much, that that was why I had not met anyone, I was relying on my parents too much emotionally. I am glad I ignored them. I am glad I spent so much time with my mom, and my dad.

My life and what I am doing with it, I believe, show I live my life in the present tense, but I am not ashamed to say I still miss my mother, and father. And some days, I feel really lonely without my mom to talk to, I feel like I will never feel exactly safe again, or understood again. It's a different kind of understanding from her than from my husband or anyone else, even my closest friends. I'm blessed I had a relationship with my mother that left such a void.

The idea one is not living in the present if they miss a dead parent, friend, or pet...is rubbish. Death is part of life. Dead people and creatures don't leave us, but they live us as living bodies. Being sad they are gone...is not throwing away the present, it is not avoiding the reality of death-it is simply living with an open heart. I know people that get stuck, they can't 'move on' after a pet dies, or parent/person. I understand how that can happen. To say that person should 'move on' and live in the present, is unfair and arrogant. Nobody knows the make-up of another's heart, mind or soul. If a person simply can't get another dog after losing their old dog, that has nothing to do with not living in the present. It simply means a new dog might bring more pain than joy. That is their heart work to live with, not anyone else's.

The blind one-eyed wonder must sense the peonies

Big Tony's grave amongst the foxglove

Papi is terrified he might lose weight

Shout out to all the Apifera Cat Angels out there- we are very low on cat food for the Elder Cat Suite. The last cat food call was so successful I have not done one for many months, so thank you to all who have helped in the past.

The Apifera Wish List is where you can buy the food for us. It's always nice if you leave your name when you shop, so I know who sent it [Papi keeps a journal of Cat Angels].

Papa was terrified he might lose weight if we run out of food, I promised him that would not happen. We can't let Papi lose his beautiful figure.

We use both the urinary tract canned food, and the dried Science Diet. I also accept the Purina cheaper food, because Anna seems to do well on that.

The cats are all doing well. I keep thinking I need to have some Cat Drawing Days, to bring people into the farm and mingle with the cats and draw. I will. The barn project is keeping us very busy and there are only so many things I can do at once. My art days have fallen to the wayside, but they will return!

I'm happy, they are happy, we are happy

The Hay Greeting Committee

It is always a momentous day when 550 bales of hay are delivered. Any animal that lives in the hay barn area knows its hay day, and they all come up to watch, and of course, test the hay. This year the hay was really exceptional I must say. So exceptional that Boone grabbed a bale or two while we were unloading and stuffed himself silly.

Last year I thought 400+ bales would get us through, but this year I played it safer and got 550 bales. If we have a severe winter, that will make me feel better. Now that the new barn is up-no walls yet, I was able to put some bales in there. We have the main barn stuffed with hay, and all is well. Anyone will tell you that having a barn full of hay for your animals, well before winter sets in, is a good feeling.

I prefer to get all my hay at once. I've done it a variety of ways over the years, but here in Maine, it's crucial for a place like ours to get the hay in. There just are not a lot of growers here, and if you run out in winter, good luck, although our hay guy is pretty well stocked. It's that running out in April that can get you, and I ran out mid May so my timing was pretty good.

Birdie put on a show for the hay guys. Every bale that came in she thoroughly examined it with eyes and nose. All the animals were stuffed in one of the side stalls, watching the event fold. And hay deliveries of this much hay are an event. Young guys most under twenty show up with two leaders and start leaping on bales and tossing them up over their heads. I can't do that anymore...or won't. I bucked enough hay in my years out West, and with my shoulder issues, nope, won't do it.

It is much more pleasant to sit on a bale and watch them all toss them up and down, and sweat. I stayed cool and dry!

We are raising money for the hay to replenish the Apifera coffers. The hay should get us through until May of next year, and hay is probably the most crucial feed for the animals. Our hay guy is really great, and his family are just a delight to work with- all the kids are super polite, and good buckers and stackers. Nothing worse than loose stacked hay.

So Boone is so full right now he is napping and the broken bales will leave everyone feeling over stuffed for awhile, but that is okay.

And the smell of fresh hay filling the barn? Nothing better.

Knowing the hay is in, its just a good way to end a long, hard week.

{Please consider a donation to the hay fund. Thank you!}